


On Holiday

by songlin



Series: I Prefer to Text [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Beaches, Blogging, Comedy, Established Relationship, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Lists, M/M, Texting, Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-19
Updated: 2012-04-19
Packaged: 2017-11-03 21:49:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/386326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songlin/pseuds/songlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the happy couple takes a vacation to sunny Spain. Thank God for those funny little cards that make mobiles work abroad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On Holiday

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Polski available: [Na wakacjach](https://archiveofourown.org/works/573529) by [toroj](https://archiveofourown.org/users/toroj/pseuds/toroj)



> Started as a kink meme fill that got out of hand and wheeled wildly off-track. All my thanks to my fantastic beta Cin, who has been promoted from correcting my fuckups in the comments to correcting them before I actually post the damn thing.
> 
> [The original prompt:](http://sherlockbbc-fic.livejournal.com/18842.html?thread=110953882#t110953882) _Sherlock spends some time at a sunny, sandy beach._
> 
> You can also find a Chinese translation [here](http://221dnet.211.30i.cn/bbs/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1569%20class=) by Orange_S, and in Polish [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/573529) by Toroj.

Booked the flight for two weeks from now. First class. _SH_

Oh! For Barcelona? _John_

No, John, for Vladivostok. Yes, for Barcelona. _SH_

You were serious? _John_

Of course I was. Your knee’s all better, and I said I would. _SH_

Oh. Full speed ahead then. _John_

Wait, where’d we get the funds for first class? _John_

Mycroft’s black AmEx. _SH_

Just this once. _John_

\---

PRE-SPAIN TO-DO LIST  


  * -Passports (call Mycroft?)
  * - ~~Sherlock buys himself a swimsuit~~ _~~No.~~ _ Yes
  * -Sunscreen _!!_ _SPF of at least 80, UVA and UVB protection_
  * -Travel first aid kit
  * _-_ _~~Sunglasses that cost more than five quid~~ _ Sherlock.
  * -Spanish phrasebook for my phone  _~~Not that you’ll know how to work it~~ _ SHERLOCK
  * - ~~Traveler’s checks~~ _~~Mycroft’s black AmEx~~ _ Traveler’s checks
  * -Beach towels
  * -Aloe vera gel _!!_
  * -Disposable camera(s)
  * -One of those card things to make mobiles work abroad
  * -Electrical adaptors?
  * -Travel insurance
  * - _Condoms_
  * - _Lube_



\---

Five days. _SH_

Yep. :) _John_

\---

Four days. _SH_

Are you going to do this every day? _John_

\---

Three days. _SH_

Does it have to be while I’m at work? You couldn’t put a countdown on the refrigerator like any other little boy? _John_

\---

Two days. _SH_

Don’t remind me. I’ve still got about half a dozen things to get done. _John_

No. _SH_

Actually, yes, yes I do. _John_

No. Went out. _SH_

Oh! Did you actually get everything, or did you leave out the bits you deemed unnecessary? _John_

Even the ridiculous ones. _SH_

Stay right there and don’t move. I am delivering a creative reward. _John_

So long as it’s you. _SH_

\---

TOMORROW _SH_

I know. Get back up here. The bed is cold. _John_

\---

Ran out for a few last things. If you’re not up and packed by the time I’m home I will drag you out the door as is. _John_

\---

Stieg Larsson’s writing style is derivative and his plots juvenile. _SH_

You’re not supposed to text on planes. _John_

And what do you care what I read? _John_

You’ll get in a strop with me if I talk about the other passengers where they can hear. _SH_

And there’s nothing else you could think of to entertain yourself. _John_

There is absolutely nothing of interest to me in this plane at all. _SH_

Did you know I only just missed joining the mile-high club once? If you can guess when and who we can join it now. _John_

\---

Are you going to hide in the hotel all day? _John_

Depends. Is the only alternative joining you at the beach? _SH_

Today, yes. _John_

Then no, I am not going out. _SH_

You promised. _John_

I promised that once you finished physical therapy we would go to Spain. At no point did I promise to set foot onto a beach. _SH_

Come on, what’s so bad about beaches? _John_

What’s so bad? Let me think. _SH_

1\. Sand. Unpleasant, coarse, gritty gets into all your crevices and sticks and never comes out. _SH_

2\. Sunlight. Take a glance at my complexion, John, and tell me if you think I tan. _SH_

3\. Salt water. Awful-tasting, and you do end up tasting it at least once, usually as it rushes up your nose and throughout your sinus cavity. _SH_

4\. Sea creatures. Unpleasant textures, often bite or sting, and difficult to sense coming. _SH_

5\. The sort of people who visit beaches. Hyperactive children throwing sand. Obnoxious, intoxicated city boys on holiday. Vapid blondes covered in tanning oil. No thank you. _SH_

Fair enough points. If you don’t mind, a rebuttal: _John_

1\. Fair enough. But afterwards there’s showers with whoever you were on the beach with, and the possibility of long baths. _John_

2\. Good point too. But there’s always sunscreen, and lovely shady spots under umbrellas, and making someone else put your sunscreen on for you. Lovely, cool lotion on a hot day. Just a thought. _John_

3\. No one’s saying you have to get in the water. One good wave and you’d be washed out to Corsica. _John_

4\. True. But, seashells. Beach debris. Deducing everything that’s happened along two miles of shore. _John_

5\. Also an excellent point, but I would like to follow up with two points of my own. _John_

5a. There is no one on this beach at the moment, for Mycroft-related reasons I am somewhat suspicious of, and... _John_

5b. ...I am on this beach. Conveniently half-naked already. _John_

I’m not getting in the water. _SH_

I’m not making you. _John_

And sunscreen. With a very high SPF, rated for UVA and UVB exposure. _SH_

Whatever you like. _John_

Fine. I’ll be there in ten. _SH_

\---

Hurry up. _SH_

Hurry up. _SH_

The shop is barely a block away. Where are you. _SH_

Keep your fucking trousers on, I’m almost back! _John_

They’re already off. I had to take them off. _SH_

The burn doesn’t go that far down. Don’t be dramatic. _John_

The waistband kept rubbing at it. It hurt. _SH_

You were the one who wouldn’t put on another coat of sunscreen after you’d been in the water. _John_

I FELL ASLEEP JOHN. _SH_

And before you fell asleep, your last action was to swat the bottle of sunscreen out of my hand because you were “experimenting with the calming effects of dermal vitamin D absorption.” _John_

Which is a very long way to say “sunbathing,” I should add. _John_

Shut up. _SH_

Hurry up. _SH_

\---

Where are you? _John_

Sherlock. _John_

Sherlock! _John_

The trick with the tea worked. Burn’s better. I’m at the market. _SH_

What the hell are you doing there? _John_

Counterfeiters, John! Pickpockets! Con men! _SH_

I should’ve known. Going to be back anytime soon? _John_

Potentially. _SH_

Good enough. _John_

\---

I may not be back as soon as I’d hoped. _SH_

Oh God. _John_

One of the shopkeepers selling counterfeit swords took offense to my comments about the veracity of his claim to be selling “genuine Toledo steel.” _SH_

SHERLOCK. _John_

I’m at the police station. _SH_

\---

I don’t suppose you have any favors you could call in around the Barcelona area? _John_

Amazingly enough, I prepared for just such an eventuality. _MH_

And do tell my brother that the next time he wants to filch my credit cards, leave my wallet. It’s crocodile skin. _MH_

\---

What the hell did you tell them? _John_

I never tell when I can imply. _MH_

Well, they’ve given us a police escort back to the hotel and they won’t stop apologizing. Thanks? _John_

You are quite welcome. And might I advise you two stay in the hotel for a day or two? We wouldn’t want him getting you two in any more trouble. My favors are not infinite. _MH_

We’ll keep it in mind. _John_

\---

Where’d you go? _SH_

Out. Had to grab a couple things from the shop. _John_

I woke up and you were gone. It was unpleasant. _SH_

Sorry about that. Don’t bother getting up, I’m getting back in as soon as I’m back. _John_

I look forward to it. _SH_

Zoo later? _John_

Later. _SH_

\---

Where’d you run off to? I turned around and you’d swanned off. _John_

This crocodile has been used to dispose of human remains. _SH_

Oh God. Please don’t steal the crocodile. I’m on my way. _John_

It has. It’s overfed, consumed at least ten stone of meat, well more than typical, and there’s a human metacarpal visible in its excrement. Male, at a guess. _SH_

Sherlock. Do not steal, accost, or so much as touch the crocodile or its excrement. Especially its excrement. _John_

Sherlock? _John_

\---

The zoo agreed not to press charges as long as we don’t tell anyone about how the zookeeper disposed of her husband’s remains. So not one for the blog. _SH_

John? _SH_

We’ve two days left in this trip. There’s a hot tub in this hotel we have not once used. You have a choice. Find more trouble to start, or get in the hot tub. _John_

My swimsuit’s in the wash. _SH_

Do you really think you’ll need it? _John_

\---

**The Personal Blog of Dr. John H. Watson**  
 _17 July:_ _The Residing Patience_

Got in from Spain late last night. Sherlock is still asleep, and probably will be until approximately September. I don’t actually think he slept the entire trip.

It was definitely an eventful vacation. By some miracle we only ended up in the police station twice. Didn’t get charged, thankfully, though if we go on another holiday I may be. With homicide. Of my flatmate.

I’m not actually allowed to say everything we got up to, thanks to an absolutely airtight NDA drawn up by parties unmentionable. Sherlock Holmes surrounded by a lot of new things to play with behaves _exactly as you would expect him to_. Suffice it to say that at the moment he’s suffering from a spectacular sunburn, a crocodile bite, and the legally binding document preventing him from bragging about his accomplishments to anyone who’ll sit still long enough to hear.

I, however, am fantastically tan, crocodile bite-free and reluctantly settling back into work and England again.

\---

Enjoy the trip? _SH_

Oh yeah. _John_

Glad to be back? _SH_

God yes. _John_


End file.
